Jump to content

  • Welcome!

    Register and log in easily with Twitter or Google accounts!

    Or simply create a new Huddle account. 

    Members receive fewer ads , access our dark theme, and the ability to join the discussion!

     

The Stench of Burnt Ass

SCP

By SCP,
in Carolina Panthers

 Share

Recommended Posts

Actionman0z Veteran

Actionman0z

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, SCP said:

Do you smell that? Can you feel that? No, it’s not the nip of fall in the air nor the smell of soccer mom’s sitting around fire pits burning fake logs they purchased at Teeter while buying an $8 bottle of Cabernet. No, my friends, what you are smelling is ass. The kind of ass that hasn’t been washed in 4 days. The kind of ass that has people side eyeing each other while in line at Aldi’s wondering who sh*t themselves. The kind of stench that you smell when you get into a Saints fan’s 1987 Dodge Caravan where the middle bench seat has more sh*t stains than Matt Ryan game worn pants.

For two and a half seasons we endured unwiped, unshaven and unbleached ass in Matt Rhule. David Tepper, who seems to be better at closing Rock Hill land deals than owning a football team, had his pudgy face buried in them rosy Rhule butt cheeks tossing that rancid salad like a Bucs fan blowing a Tom Brady blow up doll in the rear seat of his PT Cruiser. The amount of booty that has emanated from B of A since Tepper purchased the Panthers would make a pig farmer gag. I don’t think he has made a good football decision, ever. I will give him credit for firing that idiot Marty Hurney and for sh*t canning Matt Rhule, but literally, any moron would’ve made those same decisions, albeit sooner.

But fret not, my fellow Panther fans. We are all idiots for being a fan of this franchise, yet it is the life we have chosen using our free will and lack of the chromosome that gives one cognitive thought and reasoning.

A Hooter’s waitress once told me “You’re fat and should order grilled chicken, not boneless fired wings.” I lean on that advice everyday, it has made me a relatively successful sales man. I have parlayed that advice into life altering decisions, and today I am leaning on that waitress’s advice to tell you that the Panthers will get it going. I feel it in my unwashed asshole. It’s a tingling sensation that is undeniable, and it’s not caused by the Ruby Tuesday induced diarrhea that I suffer from. This team, and our new QB, will click. Sure, our defense has suffered some setbacks with injuries. Yes, Christiansen is out at guard, but I didn’t think he was our long-term guard anyway.

I am here to tell you that we roll into Seattle on Sunday and we punch that Italian QB in his mouth and we turn him over three times. Am I a huge Frank Reich fan? No. As a matter of fact, his press conferences infuriate me and its only week three. But he has surrounded himself with some smart dudes, a potpourri of coaches that should be able to mask the stench of any ass. I feel we can get our run game going and allow Bryce to settle in a bit. I think our front seven will give Gino trouble and that beautiful genius, Ejiro Evero, will scheme us into those aforementioned turnovers. This week is the week we see Bryce get his first win as and NFL QB.

Are the Panthers currently suffering from a serious case of Candida (google that sh*t) of the butthole? Yes. Is Seattle the nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug needed to eliminate that itchy burn? Yes.

 

Panthers 27

Seahwaks 17

Finally. Someone who understands my pain. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mrcompletely11 Grand Master

mrcompletely11

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, SCP said:

Do you smell that? Can you feel that? No, it’s not the nip of fall in the air nor the smell of soccer mom’s sitting around fire pits burning fake logs they purchased at Teeter while buying an $8 bottle of Cabernet. No, my friends, what you are smelling is ass. The kind of ass that hasn’t been washed in 4 days. The kind of ass that has people side eyeing each other while in line at Aldi’s wondering who sh*t themselves. The kind of stench that you smell when you get into a Saints fan’s 1987 Dodge Caravan where the middle bench seat has more sh*t stains than Matt Ryan game worn pants.

For two and a half seasons we endured unwiped, unshaven and unbleached ass in Matt Rhule. David Tepper, who seems to be better at closing Rock Hill land deals than owning a football team, had his pudgy face buried in them rosy Rhule butt cheeks tossing that rancid salad like a Bucs fan blowing a Tom Brady blow up doll in the rear seat of his PT Cruiser. The amount of booty that has emanated from B of A since Tepper purchased the Panthers would make a pig farmer gag. I don’t think he has made a good football decision, ever. I will give him credit for firing that idiot Marty Hurney and for sh*t canning Matt Rhule, but literally, any moron would’ve made those same decisions, albeit sooner.

But fret not, my fellow Panther fans. We are all idiots for being a fan of this franchise, yet it is the life we have chosen using our free will and lack of the chromosome that gives one cognitive thought and reasoning.

A Hooter’s waitress once told me “You’re fat and should order grilled chicken, not boneless fired wings.” I lean on that advice everyday, it has made me a relatively successful sales man. I have parlayed that advice into life altering decisions, and today I am leaning on that waitress’s advice to tell you that the Panthers will get it going. I feel it in my unwashed asshole. It’s a tingling sensation that is undeniable, and it’s not caused by the Ruby Tuesday induced diarrhea that I suffer from. This team, and our new QB, will click. Sure, our defense has suffered some setbacks with injuries. Yes, Christiansen is out at guard, but I didn’t think he was our long-term guard anyway.

I am here to tell you that we roll into Seattle on Sunday and we punch that Italian QB in his mouth and we turn him over three times. Am I a huge Frank Reich fan? No. As a matter of fact, his press conferences infuriate me and its only week three. But he has surrounded himself with some smart dudes, a potpourri of coaches that should be able to mask the stench of any ass. I feel we can get our run game going and allow Bryce to settle in a bit. I think our front seven will give Gino trouble and that beautiful genius, Ejiro Evero, will scheme us into those aforementioned turnovers. This week is the week we see Bryce get his first win as and NFL QB.

Are the Panthers currently suffering from a serious case of Candida (google that sh*t) of the butthole? Yes. Is Seattle the nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug needed to eliminate that itchy burn? Yes.

 

Panthers 27

Seahwaks 17

its about time my brother

nice work

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • PMH4OWPW7JD2TDGWZKTOYL2T3E.jpg

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • ForJimmy
      Another, Another Bryce Breakdown

      By ForJimmy · Posted

      Don’t be a hater. 
    • raleigh-panther
      How to list & hopefully sell PSLs plus season tickets

      By raleigh-panther · Posted

      No the PSL contract, gives you the right to 1. buy the seat(s) season tickets and preseason        Note. playoff tickets are not included as those prices are set by the league, not the team   You have the but them 2 for a set  amount 3 for a length of time (4, 6, 8 years) 4. At a guaranteed set price and guaranteed escalator for the term. The longer  term, the lower the escalator example 4 years at $3500 per year with no higher than 4% price increase  or  8 years at $3500 per year at 2% escalator  for many years, they were worth it if you are a fan of the game and big time players i saw everyone from Steve Young to Brady To Rodgers, to Patrick Mahomes live…just to see true greatness, regardless of position is a great experience…you see the whole Field…the game within the game and the sidelines tell a lot of tales too….  binoculars too help…even though i was close, watching the choreography of a really great offensive line, impressive  you feel and see the game so much differently than TV  …and, to watch Cam, Luke, Thomas…very much worth  it until Tepper, i had no regrets.other than not unloading them when he bought the team  
    • strato
      Panthers Blueprint

      By strato · Posted

      It could work, but you have to work exponentially harder than with a prototypical type with a deep ball. That was my thing, why pay extra to make it harder on yourself? 
×
×
  • Create New...